Working Out Woes

Anyone who knows me personally knows that in the past three years I’ve lost almost 70 pounds. If you need a visual, just imagine Veruca Salt (during her blueberry phase, obviously) shrinking down to the size of about Crystal Renn. Or, for a probably more 

accurate representation, I went from a size 20 to size 10.

True story.

And I did it the old fashioned way of diet and exercise. Which people still seem to be baffled about. “WHAT!? Diet and exercise, surely you must be joking!” Hm, nope. I woke up one day and realized my fat ass needed less mac and cheese and more fruits and less sitting on the couch and more physical activity. I kicked started this whole 70 pounds adventure by 

walking.

Walking.

And not even fast walking or on an incline. Not even for very prolonged periods of time either. Being a fat-ass makes you tire easily, you have to ease into heavy physical activity.

  

Yeah, that and I really am more inclined to be lazy. But I’ve managed to lose a great deal of weight and maintain for over three years, so score one for me. However, it’s hard work and I want to whine about it.

I guess I should have prefaced my whole “diet” by saying I’m not actually “dieting” in the way of MUST EAT NONE OF THE CARBS bullshit most people fall prey to. Screw that, pasta and bread is delicious and damned if any fad diet is going to tell me I can’t enjoy a delicious bowl of pasta or toast with my eggs.

I eat whatever I want, the only thing I do differently is actually follow serving sizes. But I’m still caught in a constant struggle between wanting to eat an entire bag of potato chips and not going back to the way I looked.

Also, I have a horrible relationship with vegetables.

Yeah, something like this.

It’s just easier and more delicious to eat poorly than it is to eat healthier. And it’s hard to limit yourself of those poorer choices. I mean, really, 15 potato chips is not satisfying when the whole bag is calling your name from the pantry. Limiting yourself to one scoop of ice cream is not as enjoyable as a double scoop in a waffle cone.

And two tablespoons of Nutella never left anyone fulfilled.

All the bad food is just so delicious and that’s a cruel trick of nature. I don’t know of anyone who craves spinach over butter pecan ice cream. 

 

More appetizing than a spinach salad.

Moral of the story: eating right blow chunks.

But eating right is only half the battle. Exercising is the second part of the weight loss equation and finding the motivation to work out can be challenging. There are days I’d rather bake muffins in hell than put on yoga pants and go work out.

For one, I had hate being sweaty. Two, I’m not a big fan of gyms. It’s probably my paranoia kicking in, but I feel people at the gym can be judgmental. And I don’t need the salon-ready fit chick staring at me while I look like I just crawled out of a swamp.

That and I feel really lame that I can only bench press about 40 pounds.

Also, there’s not one exercise I love doing. After about five minutes, I get extremely bored. While it’s true that exercise can be addicting—I’ve felt it before—I still don’t jump out of bed every morning going, “YES, EXERCISE TODAY.”

I tried the running thing and well…

Yeah, that about sums it up.

At times, I struggle to work out. At times, I struggle to eat right. Yes, I lost 70 pounds and I’m extremely proud of that fact, but it wasn’t fun or glamorous, and I definitely did not enjoy most of it. There are times I feel I’m missing out on life because I’m conscious of what I shove in my mouth and restrict myself from eating horribly.

I also may not look like I want to yet, but in the words of Joey Tribiani…

WTF, Adulthood

If adulthood starts at eighteen, then I’ve spent the last seven years walking around awkwardly and hoping no one notices that I don’t quite belong. I mean, let’s be serious. If life were a movie, I’d rather just keep watching the previews than the main attraction and we’re all trying to avoid the end credits.

But I can’t actually be an adult can I? Because I kicked off being an adult by going to a porn store and laughing at dildos and penis-shaped lolli-pops (although, to be fair, penis-shaped lolli-pops are still funny). With that track record, I continue to be baffled that anyone gives me access to narcotics and lets me use needles on people.

Adulthood is that pinnacle that we gaze at from afar when we are teenagers rebelling against authority. You can do whatever you want when you’re an adult! Which, really, is the best thing about being an adult.

Oh, you want to wake up at 2 PM, never change out of your pajamas, eat two packages of Oreos and watch seven hours of “How I Met Your Mother” on Netflix? Congratulations! 

You’re an adult and no one can tell you that’s a epic waste of time and a poor source of nutrition!

Go on with your bad self!

  

Adulthood is served up with a heaping pile of responsibility, which can taste either like the sweetest ambrosia or the foulness of canned mystery meat.

I recently bought a house and I got to decorate it anyway I wanted. I had no parents telling me what paint colors to use, what furniture to buy, what window treatments I could or could not have and what pictures I could or could not hang.  I could have bought ALL THE THINGS and I’d have nobody to answer to but myself.

Same goes with food. I can buy whatever I want! If I want a freezer full of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream, I can have a freezer full of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. Sadly, my freezer is mostly filled with frozen fish, waffles and Lean Cuisine’s (YOLO?).

But the point is, green beans and peas will never grace my pantry because I don’t want them to.

Since we’re talking about groceries, can we talk about the stupid sense of accomplishment I get after putting all the food away? Like, I’d love nothing more than to have someone pat me on the head and go, “Gee, what a well organized pantry!”

Pictured: accurate depiction of the sense of accomplishment I get

Okay, so we’ve determined adulthood is good for staying up as late (or early) as you want; eating whatever you want; buying whatever you want and basically living a YOLO-esque life.

But there’s a dark side to responsibility.

For one, money is important and in order to get money, you need a job. And sometimes jobs blow harder than a hurricane. In all honesty, I do love my job, but if I won the lottery tomorrow, I would quit my job so fast it would make my manager’s head spin.  

Then, with all your hard-earned money, you have to spend it on water, gas, electricity and food, which makes you nostalgic for a time when your parents provided everything for you. Man, those were the days.

And then, to add insult to injury, after the government takes about 75% of your paycheck and you’ve used another 22% for food and heat so you don’t freeze to death in the winter, you’re left with 3% to have fun with. This equates to roughly $4.00.

You can’t even buy a large jar of Nutella for $4.00.

On top of all that, you’re somehow supposed to save money for a future where you’re too old to work anymore.

As I rapidly approach an age in which I’ll be closer to thirty than twenty, I’m hungry for the kind of innocence and carefree nature of childhood. I’m nostalgic about everything that was good in the 90s, especially Ecto-cooler Hi-C (don’t lie, those were awesome), Nsync and not having a care in the world other than “God, I hope mom doesn’t make meatloaf for dinner.”

But I think the biggest thing is, I don’t feel like an adult. I feel perpetually about seventeen, which I am so not. I'm getting more and more, "GET OFF MY LAWN" with each passing year. 

People think being an adult means you have all the answers, but I don’t have answers. When things break, my drains clog or I need handiwork done around my house, I call Dad, because Dad is an adult with answers. Or at least tools. Same goes for Mom, except Mom is the go-to for all things cooking, decorating and "how do I get this stain out?"

Maybe one day I’ll actually feel like an adult.

Until then, you can find me eating corndogs and watching Disney movies.

Do You Ever Wonder Why This Music Gets You High

I mentioned in my first post that I have an unhealthy obsession with music and that’s about 4000% percent true. If music was an actual drug, my loved ones would probably try a hardcore intervention and I’d rebuff in such a way that I’d make Amy Winehouse’s refusal to go to rehab look like a mild temper tantrum.

Pictured: how my brain behaves on music

There isn’t a day that goes by in which music doesn’t feature, even if it’s only briefly. I put music on first thing in the morning (after my initial 10 minutes of hating the world post wake up). I sing (poorly) in the shower, while doing the dishes and I’m constantly humming under my breath. Music provides my last moment of sanity before entering the sterile and professional environment of my job. It also provides the bookend to my day, becoming one of the last things I do before nodding off into the land of the unconscious.

To me, there is no better feeling in the world than slipping those little ear buds in my ears and hearing my head fill with sound. I love being completely immersed in it.

I’ve been known to annoy others by pointing out tiny nuances in songs that no one else seems to noticed.

Pictured: you after the 8^th time I’ve played you something and you still don’t hear it and probably really want to punch me in the face

But I love those moments. It gives me a thrill to find those tiny runs of melody or small musical quirks. I’ll spend the time it would take just to listen to the damn song repeating the small musical treasure I’ve found.

Skip to 3:00

I could listen to that run of “come here and let me rock you like a baby” (more specifically the “come here” part) a million times and never tire of it. There is just something about how those specific notes leave his mouth in such a melodic way that my brain becomes hooked on it. I don’t even think I have a purposeful way of describing exactly I feel during that bit. Justin sings it so perfectly; it’s like the notes just fall effortlessly down the musical scale similar to the way water flows over a cliff.

Ah, metaphors.

Never mind the fact that the harmonization during this song is to die for; I love the deep, bass singer who underlines the whole song and the whole 1950-60s vibe of this song is beautiful.

You’re probably thinking I’m crazy right about now. But I find moments like this in just about every song I listen to (regardless of whether or not I’d like to do naughty things to the artist). Finding that moment is damn near euphoric.

Music is so much more than the tiny nuances though. I’ve been known to majorly geek out at dramatic key changes.

Skip to 3:08

Tell me that didn’t feel like a punch in the face—an awesome punch in the face. Obviously, that’s one of the most dramatic examples of epic key changes, but any key change will give me the chills.

Similarly, I love when a song starts off slow and unassuming and then explodes into something you did not expect from the initial opening bars.

Just that voice and lone drumbeat and then…BAM, the beat kicks in, the guitar starts busting out killer riffs and everything musical and wonderful is happening. Before you know it, you’re rocking out to this unexpected awesomeness.

Pictured: you rocking out to awesome

Equally as awesome, I love when, mid-song, all the music stops and you’re left with just the vocalist belting out a note or something supremely more awesome.

Skip to 3:07

That song actually has several of those moments, which is why it is one of my favorites. When that pause happens, I actually panic, like, “OMG, where did the music go?!” and then the melody picks back up and I relax. It’s an indescribable feeling.

Yeah, something like this

Above all, I love that I haven’t boxed myself into only liking one genre of music. Browse through my music collection and I’m sure you’ll probably find questionable taste. But the most important thing that determines whether or not I enjoy a song is 1) a good beat and 2) how it makes me feel.

Fine, that’s two things.

But those two things are the reason I’ve got a Joe Jonas song snuggled next to Macklemore in a current play list (with zero shits given).

Pictured: me not caring

I’ll listen to Timbaland and follow it up with Mumford & Sons. I’ll get my jam on with Maroon 5 and Queen. I’ll relax with Josh Groban and then belt the shit out of Nsync.

And all of it makes me so blissfully ecstatic to be alive. Music gives me more of a rush than I could ever imagine any drug doing.

LB's Top 5 Songs You Should like
(Or You're Wrong)
1) Baba O'Riley // The Who
2) Carry On Wayward Son // Kansas
3) Come Together // The Beatles
4) Foreplay/Long Time // Boston
5) You Make My Dreams // Hall & Oates

I also love something about songs recorded in one take. At times, I feel songs are overproduced, over perfected to the point it doesn't feel real anymore. I'm looking at you, Autotune.

Songs done in one take are so much more raw and real. You can hear the imperfections in the artist's voice and the sincerity behind their words. Famous examples of this include Lady Gaga's "You and I", The Beatles "Hey Jude" and Christina Aguilera's "Beautiful".

My favorite though? Justin Timberlake's "(Another Song) All Over Again". Damn, if you can't just feel his pain through the speakers. And it's powerful as hell.

Damned if this song doesn’t make me want to love his face

Thus far, I've waxed poetic over songs with lyrics and the voices behind them. And I'm sure I'll launch into a novel about how instrumental pieces set my soul alight (which they do), but I find it fitting to end this section with my favorite musical instrument of all time--the human voice.  

The human voice is amazing musically. I mean, just think about it. Some people can hit an insane amount of notes and some people are restricted to only a few. But nothing makes me squirm with more glee than the well harmonized tones of an acapella group. Oh God, when multiple voices layer over one another to the point of complete tonal resonance...that is my nirvana moment.

I know their band name was a play on "in sync" but did they lie? Love them or hate them, those boys could harmonize something fierce. Their voices blend so seamlessly together and flow so flawlessly into the next soloist it makes me want to cry. The low bass tones Lance brings sounds the whole sound into something full and rich. The higher registered Chris brings evens everything out, and for me, makes this vocal cocoon I just want to wrap myself in and live forever. It also makes me realize Joey was seriously under utilized during their hey day.

Any awesome acapella group/song makes me feel this way. I've been known to break out in goosebumps and get the chills over a well high group harmonized note. It's basically musical crack.

I appreciate more than just the voice as an instrument. Not many instruments can top the love I have for a well played piano, not even my beloved french horn. Damn, do I love the piano.

This guy is my piano God

LB's Top 5 Musical Instruments
1) Piano
2) French horn
3) Human voice
4) Oboe
5) String instruments

ALL THE STRING INSTRUMENTS!

About 45% of my love for Mumford & Sons comes from all the banjo playing. Fuck yeah, banjos!

Upright basses for the win! So much awesome from five basses. I love that rich, deep tone and the way the strings vibrate. I've easily watched this video about 47 times.

I have no coherent way to express how much I enjoying hearing a bunch of string instruments playing together. Or any combination of musical instruments for that matter.

Hmm...yeah, that about sums it up 

  

Music is communicative. Sometimes it expresses ideas and feelings better than us as humans can put into words. It's emotive. It can make you feel as if you've soared to the highest of highs or have sunk to the lowest of lows. Elated, depressed, anxious, tense, panic, thoughtful, hopeful...

Why do you think music accompanies almost every moment during a film? It's to bring you emotionally into the visual experience happening to you. Would "Jaws" have been as terrifying without the warning music? That little musical line is iconic as a representation of fear.

I love movie soundtracks. I listen to several on a regular basis and every time I get sucked back into the emotions I was feeling while watching the movie.

This song plays in the film as Tony Stark first builds and flies the new suit for the first time. My favorite part comes at 2:18 where the music beings to crescendo and it's as if you can feel the excitement he feels in that moment. I've been known to rock out hardcore during this song. 

The world would be boring without music.

Pictured: you in a world without music.

Basically, I don't know what I would do without music. I don't know what I would do if 35% of my brain wasn't dedicated to remembering lyrics to songs I'd heard over ten years ago (I'm looking at you, Hanson). I'd like to think my love of music goes deeper than the insane rush of dopamine my brain experiences when sound enters my ear. But then again, I suppose that makes music the ultimate feel good drug.

Long story short, I get the equivalent of a boner when I listen to organized noise.

Top Five Thursday #1

As promised in my first post, the third Thursday of the month is going to be different from the others. Today marks the first ever “Top 5 Thursday!” post!

I know, you can barely contain your excitement!

In light of tomorrow’s post (ooh, suspense for you!), this post is going to be about music. If I can plan it right, I hope to die while listening to music after just finishing a supremely awesome book. Hey, not everyone wants to go out in a blaze of glory. I’d like to go out in an extreme state of bliss.

Actually, can I add on to that dying moment? (Why, of course I can, it’s my blog!) I also want to have just eaten a delicious lobster tail (preferably about three of them) covered in a divine garlic butter.

Erm...?

[[cough]] Ahem, okay, back on topic. Without further ado, LB’s…

Top 5 Songs I Love
(At This Moment in Time)

1)      Charlie Ain’t Home // ZZ Ward

 Oh, sweet mother of all that is sacred and beautiful in this world do I love ZZ Ward. She makes me believe in unicorns and a world in which Justin Beiber does not dominate the airwaves with his pre-pubescent voice. ZZ Ward is like Adele meets Memphis, Tennessee blues music wearing a sassy fedora. Every song on her album is lyrical and musical gold, but damn if this song isn’t at the top of my list.

This song is so unapologetic about the fact that she’s singing about sleeping around, but hey, it’s okay because Charlie’s not home! Both verses are sensual and maybe even the slightest bit raunchy (dig my fingertips into your back, ‘til the pictures break and the floorboards crack) but seem to revel in the thrill of the deception.

It’s probably the most upbeat song about cheating I’ve heard in a while, but I’d love nothing more than to wrap myself up like a caterpillar in a cocoon in every fiber of this song.

2)     Pusher Love Girl // Justin Timberlake

 Seven years without new Justin Timberlake music clearly left me parched. I’m so saturated in his new CD, I’m basically oozing JT’s sex appeal and creamy falsetto.

The strings that start this song, I swear they make me feel like I’m flying head on into it. And it sounds ultra classy. It’s like straight out of 1940, except, you know, it’s a song about how JT wants you to be his heroin. Which I’m totally okay with.

Some people (we call these people haters), find an 8 minutes song superfluous and a waste of time. For my music addled mind, 8 minutes probably isn’t long enough. This song is basically two songs in one and I love that structure. Justin started playing with that idea on his “FutureSex/LoveSounds” album and I loved it. It allows each song to flow into the next (but that’s besides my point). The last three minutes of the song are golden.

To quote JT, “I’m hopped up on it!”

3)     My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark // Fallout Boy

 This song comes at you hard. It starts fast and furious and almost ends softly, much in the same way an adrenaline rush hits you; all at once and then tapers off. Once the chorus kicks in, I can’t help but bob my head and fist bump while I scream “I’m on fire!”

I don’t have many Fallout Boy songs in my growing music collection, but this one has definitely earned its place.

4)     Blurred Lines // Robin Thicke

There are some songs I hear the first time and loathe with the fire of a thousand suns before I eventually turn around end up liking them. Then there are some songs that I hear the first time and instantly play on repeat for about 18 hours. This song is definitely the latter.

The beat is so fantastically simple, yet it makes me want to get up and dance (poorly). Plus, I love the random “woos” in the background and the whole “hey, hey, hey” part. Because it’s little things in songs I end up enjoying the most.

Second, and probably most importantly, Robin Thicke’s voice. If his voice doesn’t make you want to take off your clothes, you’re listening to it wrong. Because, quite honestly, when he says “I know you want it” in the deeper, richer voice, um, well…

5)     Thrift Shop // Macklemore

There no greater representation of my love of this song right now that this:

Yup.

And I don’t care. It’s a song about shopping at thrift stores, wearing your grandpa’s clothes and buying skeet blankets.

Probably from these guys.

It’s seven kinds of stupid catchy. I love the horn that plays the melody in the background. I love the blatant joy in the chorus of buying something for hella cheap. And the song speaks to my compulsion to buy things simply because they’re 99 cents.

Whatever, this song is freaking awesome.